The truth is, when it comes to your inner voice, “bad is stronger than good,” says University of Michigan psychologist EthanKross, author of Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It. “We’re wired to notice the negative stuff more.” Since the brain and body are listening closely, this negativity can mess with us in three big ways.
How Negative Thoughts Hurt You
Undermining performance
Ever try to read while you’re ruminating over some worry? You can’t concentrate. Similarly, dwelling on thoughts of being “old” can undermine your reasoning and decision-making. Studies show that older adults who believe common stereotypes about aging (like being frail, forgetful or deaf) are more likely to walk slower, drive poorly, do worse on cognitive tests and think they have bad hearing.
Straining relationships
When we natter endlessly about a fear or complaint, we can wind up pushing even sympathetic listeners away. Private thought loops also can build until our pent-up stress gets unleashed on someone else. And recent spikes in road rage and general incivility track with our living through “the biggest chatter period of the last 100 years,” Kross says. Political polarization, the pandemic, inflation and war brought two feelings that weaken our inner cheerleader: uncertainty and lack of control.
Damaging health
Negative mental chatter can spiral to anxiety and depression, Kross says. Replaying a worry in your head stimulates a stress response, over and over. At toxic levels, this can lead to inflammatory conditions like cardiovascular disease and cancer. In fact, repetitive negative thinking has been linked to faster cognitive decline. On the other hand, a 2018 study found that people who held positive age beliefs were 49 percent less likely to develop Alzheimer’s, even if they had a high-risk gene for it.
How To Hush Negative Thoughts
Try these tools to shush an unproductive inner voice, Kross says. Distanced self-talk Talk to yourself like you would a good friend. Key: Use your own name and the word “you.” You’ll bring so much good experience to that job, Jane! “The links in the mind are incredibly tight, so when you refer to yourself the way you refer to others, you’re thrust into adviser mode. You shift perspective and it’s easier to wade through difficulties,” Kross says. Mental time travel Think about how you’ll feel down the road—tomorrow, next week, next year. Shifting to a future view highlights the impermanence of present woes. “I’ll say to myself, Ethan, how are you going to feel about it in the morning?” Reframe Try to reinterpret your situation or perception not as a threat, but as a challenge you can handle. For example, focus on how getting older brings wisdom and new opportunities, rather than on losses. Talk to (the right) someone Venting may feel good in the moment. But avoid passive listeners or like-minded friends. It’s more productive to go over things with a confidante who’ll help you broaden your perspective and think through options. Organize and clean When we’re experiencing negative chatter, we don’t feel like we have control, Kross says. It’s calming to exert order, such as by cleaning your desk, making a to-do list or organizing your sock drawer. Little rituals (prayer, meditation, lining up your pencils) also can be calming. Get outside Green spaces reset our attention, which negative chatter depletes. Outdoors, we often feel the emotion of awe, being in the presence of something vast or indescribable (the Grand Canyon, a tree, a cathedral). Awe triggers us to think beyond ourselves—and magically shrinks the pesky voice in our head, Kross says.
How To Teach Kids to Talk Nice (to Themselves)
What if kids learned early how to silence their inner critics and use their inner voices to coach themselves through life’s challenges? In Clayton County, Georgia, schoolkids have been learning just that using scientifically vetted tools for managing emotions and thoughts. At year’s end, they’ll be followed up over time and compared to a control group that learned tools for studying better. The clinical trial is being run by director Ethan Kross, who was inspired to bring his Toolbox Project to schoolkids by one of his University of Michigan students who, on the last day of class, asked, “Why didn’t anyone teach us about these things earlier, when we could have really benefited from them?” Next, Help Is Available! The Best Online Counseling Apps and Options for Kids
Sources
Futurity: “‘Stereotype Threat” Makes Older Adults Perform Worse” Karger: “Stereotype Threat Lowers Older Adults’ Self-Reported Hearing Abilities” National Library of Medicine: “The Effects of Stereotype Threat on Older Adults’ Walking Performance as a Function of Task Difficulty and Resource Evaluations” APA PsycNet: “The Applied Implications of Age-Based Stereotype Threat for Older Adults” Alzheimer’s Association: “Repetitive Negative Thinking Is Associated With Amyloid, Tau, and Cognitive Decline” PLOS ONE: “Positive Age Beliefs Protect Against Dementia Even Among Elders With a High-Risk Gene”
