“Many times, we’re looking for external factors to make us happier rather than looking internally,” says Rochelle Gapere, a happiness coach and the author of One Happy Thought At a Time: 30 Days to a Happier You. She also says it’s something everyone can have. “Happiness is our birthright. Everyone deserves to have a life that they feel good about and are excited to live,” she says. But how do you get there? Implementing a few simple changes in your life can make a huge difference. Keep reading to find out what they are, according to people who have studied happiness.
Six simple changes that can inspire a happier life
1. Establish a morning routine that sets a positive tone for the rest of the day
Gapere says that one important change people who wish to live a happier life can make is creating a joy-inducing morning routine. Instead of waking up and immediately reaching for your phone to read your work emails, she suggests starting the day with something that sets the tone in a more positive way, such as thinking of three things you’re grateful for. “I’m such an advocate for starting the day with a gratitude practice because so often we wake up and think nothing good is going to happen that day or we start focusing on things that are negative, like how tired we are or how much we have to do,” Gapere says. She explains that each day could be filled with the same events, some good and some bad. If we start the day on a negative note, we’re more likely to focus on everything that goes wrong throughout the day, completely oblivious to what is going right. But if we start the day with a grateful mindset, we’re more likely to notice the good and ignore the bad.
2. Shift your perspective
On a similar note, Helen Russell, a journalist who studies happiness and the author of The Year of Living Danishly: Uncovering the Secrets of the World’s Happiest Country, says that a shift in perspective can go a long way in terms of cultivating happiness. “Conventional wisdom tells us that happiness is about the fulfillment of our goals, because ‘goal-hunting activities’ stimulate the brain’s reward centers and deliver a sense of accomplishment. But once we get the thing we want? We feel…nothing,” Russell says. This doesn’t mean that having goals gets in the way of a happier life. It’s more about shifting a mindset from thinking you’ll be happy once you accomplish your goal to one where you’re enjoying the journey of getting there. “I try to remember to enjoy the ride and find what the actor Richard E. Grant calls ‘pockets of happiness’ each day,” Russell says.
3. Accept the highs and lows life brings
Russell adds that accepting life’s highs as well as its lows is another key to living a happy life. “We can all get happier by learning to be sad, better,” she says. “Sadness happens to all of us, sometimes in heartbreakingly awful ways, but in much of the world we don’t know how to handle it.” Instead of suppressing sad emotions, she says to acknowledge that, sometimes, it’s okay to be sad—necessary, even. “Sadness is what we’re supposed to feel after a loss and sorrow is the sane response when sad things happen,” she says. Instead of crashing against waves of sadness in an effort to push them away, letting them wash over you is a more effective way to live a happier life. Otherwise, you may drown trying to fight against them.
4. Stop comparing yourself to others
Gapere says that one pitfall of happiness is comparing your life to others. This is particularly true if you spend a lot of time on social media. “Comparison is the thief of joy,” she says. “Stop comparing your life to someone else’s highlight reel.” Instead, romanticize your own life, which is a form of mindfulness. Find the beauty in what you may otherwise see as mundane, such as looking out the window at the rain while you work away on your computer or walking your dog in the park under orange and yellow leaf-filled trees. Our lives are filled with beautiful moments; sometimes we just fail to notice them.
5. Connect with others
While you want to avoid comparing your life to others’, Dr. Robert Waldinger, MD, a psychiatry professor at Harvard Medical School and the author of the upcoming book The Good Life, says that connection is important. “Be proactive in keeping important relationships strong,” he says. “Reach out to friends for walks, phone chats or other activities rather than leaving your next contact to chance.” Dr. Waldinger says that it’s important to be intentional in maintaining relationships because life is so hectic that it can be easy for good relationships to wither away in neglect. If a relationship that was once important to you has already deteriorated whether due to neglect or an argument, Dr. Waldinger says to not be afraid to reach out in an effort to reconnect. “Relationships are almost never entirely smooth,” he explains. “Conflicts happen between people. The important thing is to work on resolving conflicts rather than letting the disagreement linger.” Similarly, Dr. Waldinger says that if a relationship in your life has gone stale, it’s better to find ways to liven it up rather than letting it slip away. “This often happens in romantic relationships,” he explains. He suggests trying new activities together because having new experiences together can help you remember what you enjoy about each other.
6. Get curious
If you feel like you’re just going through the motions of life without actually experiencing or enjoying it, Gapere suggests shaking things up. “Many people are not unhappy; they’re just bored out of their minds,” she says. Finding new ways to learn and grow is the antithesis of monotony. Gapere says that even finding small ways to shake things up can make a difference. Maybe it’s trying a new restaurant or workout class. It could be learning a new skill or meeting new people. This helps avoid falling into the trap of living the same day on repeat on a continuous loop. While these six changes can go a long way in terms of living a happier life, Gapere emphasizes that they aren’t a cure-all. If you are experiencing clinical depression, working with a therapist and considering prescription medication could be necessary steps as well. “Sometimes, there’s deeper work that needs to be done,” she says. But regardless of what’s going on in your life, these six changes can help. It just goes to show how powerful an internal shift can be. Instead of looking outward, you’ll find that happiness was inside you all along. Next up, see 100 quotes that will help inspire a more positive mindset.
Sources
Rochelle Gapere, happiness coach and the author of One Happy Thought At a Time: 30 Days to a Happier YouHelen Russell, journalist who studies happiness and the author of The Year of Living Danishly: Uncovering the Secrets of the World’s Happiest CountryDr. Robert Waldinger, MD, psychiatry professor at Harvard Medical School; author of the upcoming book, The Good Life
